Winding Down 2011

I cannot believe the date on the calendar, surely it is incorrect, it is December 29 already. It is time once again to pull out the new calendars,transfer birthdays and important dates from the old to the new, and add doctor appointments from cards I have been collecting in my desk for this occasion. I love the week between Christmas and New Year's Day. It is a time of reflection it seems like for everyone. We all long to be better, do better and look better in the new year. I am humbly reminded that even though I may set goals and make plans for the new year, unless God is in them, they will not matter in the long run, and probably will fizzle out in the short run. I am amazed at how God has brought our family through the 2011 year. The year that our youngest received the unexpected diagnosis of type 1 diabetic, along with a scary stay in the PICU, while his Dad was at annual training with the Army National Guard. We are 6 months into this new way of life, and I would like to say everything is sailing along smoothly, and in some ways things are much better, but in other ways not so much. There are still so many unknowns and uncertainties that this diagnosis brings. My husband and I are not scared any more about giving our son his 4-5 shots daily, and he has gotten used to pricking his fingers countless times during the day, although the last couple of days have been rough. His fingers have been hurting, and he doesn't want to check his blood sugar, but he has to, because we don't have any other way of knowing for sure what is going on inside of his body. It is a tough sell for a 9 year old boy. Also, I can tell you the carb count of countless foods, which has raised my own awareness of what I am eating. Siblings have learned to deal with a big intrusion to our family's way of life prior to diagnosis. It is still a process. Looking back at 2011, I can see it being woven into the tapestry of our family's life, and I know that God will use what can be seen as bad for His good. Strength, endurance and a new found compassion for families with children with chronic illness has stirred within me. I am looking forward to 2012 and a fresh start. As the last couple days of the year wind down, I am earnestly seeking God's plan for our family in 2012, moving forward in a hope that only He can provide. God and me in 2012,it has a nice ring to it.

Cetainty in the Uncertain

I am reminded today again of what we can be certain of even in the uncertain times of life. We can be certain of God's care and provision. We can be certain of His strength to make it through the unthinkable and insurmountable. We can know without doubt that Jesus intercedes for us and knows what we are going through and can even put it into words when we are unable to do so ourselves. We can know that we are loved with an everlasting love that will never die. I am so thankful that I can remember these certainties and hold on to them when life spins out of control around me.

Starting this period of final count down for dear husband's return is wonderful. Thinking of all the what ifs before his time of departure and return to our family is not. Trying to get the kids back on track with school and schedules feels like walking through quicksand right now to me. Dealing with an unknown health problem with one of my children with no answers yet, just lots of questions, that is uncertain. Everything is hard. Then, some dear friends and fellow military family are suffering, with their dear husband and dad having unexplained severe head pain and being flown to Germany from Iraq. So unsettling for everyone and so devastating for their family. All of the unknowns, the unanswered questions have stirred up inside of me fear. Fear of the unknown of the coming hours,days,weeks and months.


I know that I need to regroup, or thanks to our Tapestry of Grace Year 3 unit 2 study, "circle the wagons". I need to go back to what I know is TRUE. God is in control, God loves me, God has a plan, and God is sovereign and makes no mistakes. Oh yes, that is what I need to go back to and hold on to and remember right now. God is good. Thank you dear Lord for your reassurances.

"Because of the LORD'S great love we are not consumed for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3

"The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped." Psalm 28:7

Turning the Page

Dear Husband's JAG crew getting ready for the Christmas season in Iraq!!



Well, November is almost done and I am getting ready to turn the page on the calendar again. December is right around the corner and all the joy and celebration of Jesus' birth is about to begin. I am pausing to think about this last year right now and to try to make the most of this last month on the calendar. It has been a year of ups and downs, struggles and triumphs, but mostly a year without my dear husband.

Nothing seems right without him here among us and I miss him. I decided to blog about how things were going as a marker to me that everything would be okay and that God is with us now, even in these last few months before he comes home to us for good. All of modern technology is wonderful and does bridge the gap of missing him, it is helpful for the kids and I to connect with their Dad using Skype and texting and e-mails and even the good old fashioned postal system. We have all learned a lot from this deployment and that is what I am trying to gather up in my thoughts today. The kids have learned the meaning of sacrifice and putting others before themselves. They have learned how to communicate with their Dad so far away and how to help out even when they do not feel like doing so. They have seen a love relationship between their Mom and Dad that I hope will inspire and encourage them when they leave home and begin their own families.

The holiday season is upon us and the page on the calendar is being turned and I want to be able to celebrate Jesus' birthday with my children and family and friends. Yes, it is going to be different, and yes it will be very difficult, sometimes the reality of dear husband not being here is overwhelming and tears flood my eyes, but I know that God will work all these things out for His glory. So I am turning the page on my calendar on Tuesday and looking forward to what December will bring for our family. I know the children are excited about two more weeks left in school! We are getting close to finishing Unit 2 of Tapestry of Grace Year 3, and we are trying to hit our goals for reading and math. Nutcracker performances begin in Chapel Hill this weekend,Advent activities from the wonderful book, Celebrate with Joy, Christmas parties, gingerbread house decorating, cookie making and decorating the house and getting the crazy tree up! I want to enjoy it all. So I am resolving to give God our holidays, give Him the month of December, really as I should do with every month and ask Him for guidance and help to know what to do and when to do it. Won't you join me as you turn the page on the calendar to the last month of this year and resolve to give the month to God!